Former Inter winger Andy van der Meyde discussed his struggles during his career, his depression and more in an interview with Kees Jansma during the Voetabal International talk show yesterday.

“My focus on football was gone, I didn’t have fun anymore and I didn’t want to play anymore. I had a contract, but also a seriously ill child in the hospital. At the time, I thought that was more important than football.”

He commented on how he even seriously considered suicide at points in his career.

“People say, you have a lot of money, so you shouldn’t complain, but I was really thinking about suicide. And that was when I had just signed a million euro contract with Everton.”

“The first time you look at your paycheck, you think, wow, that’s a lot of money! But if you don’t play and see others enjoying themselves, then you really feel like crap.”

The Dutchman touched on how he ended up ruining his career and being a poor husband and father.

“I had to set an example for a lot of people, especially my family. You can’t talk about it with anyone, it’s a ‘macho’ world. That’s why I started looking for a way out, not to be in reality. So, you get branded.

“You are seen as a drunk, and that was my fault. I threw everything away, but there was a reason. It’s not that I did it just to do it.

“I was a bad father and I abandoned my wife and children. A lot of people don’t know that I was really in a bad state, that I had a lot of problems.”

Finally, Van der Meyde talked about how he is much happier now and has moved on from this dark period.

“I love life and I am happy with what I have. That is why I am always happy. Life is a party now, but I have also seen the other side. That’s why I always smile.”

Van der Meyde joined Inter from Ajax in 2003, in a deal worth around €4.5 million. In his first season at the club, he made 25 appearances across all competitions, scoring three goals and providing two assists in that time.

The following season he did not particularly impress, scoring one goal and providing four assists in 29 appearances.

He went on to join Everton, where his personal issues caught up on him, essentially ending his career.